Fashion Dilemma Part 2

Adventures in Shopping: you have no butt!

In addition to not knowing what business casual and business formal were I was also faced with cultural conditions. I would be mingling with wives from the U.S., the U.K., the Mediterranean, and Eastern Europe. The first three apparently have similar tastes of decorum according to DH. At the last conference he attended there was a great cultural divide based on what the Eastern European wives were wearing. I definitely wanted to make sure I was appropriately dressed.

I had 5 days to get my act and my clothes together. I went shopping on Monday after E.o.t.T. Dressed in sneakers, yoga pants, a sports bra and–you guessed it–a Wonder Woman tee I went to a Burlington Coat Factory Outlet. I looked and looked. They had great deals but I was worried anything I picked would be either too matronly or too casual. I even stopped a total stranger to ask her opinion on blouses.

I knew not knowing my size was going to be a problem. I found two pant suits, a pair of slacks, and a simple black dress of a denim-like material. I have a broad back so anything that buttons will gap if not the right size. For the pant suits the tops fit pretty good. Pants, well, let’s just say, a bit baggy. The slacks were about 4 inches too long, but I liked the lining and the stripes. I could find someone to hem them. The dress fit great but I didn’t like the way the jacket I picked to go with it fit. I would get the dress and find a different jacket later.

So I put the call out for a tailor in our area that worked fast. I took the recommendation of two friends about a “miracle worker.” Tuesday I took the pants of one of the suits and the slacks to this miracle worker. I remembered to bring the black pumps I would take with me. Let the hilarity begin!

First of all, I barely understood the tailor. All I could make out was:
1. See how wide? You not 80. Why dress like 80?
2. This no look good. No look good at all.
3. Have to take it all in.
4. You have no butt. You no look good. You have no butt.

No kidding. I’ve never had a butt.

Then came the sticker shock for “miracle work.” Wow! I chose only to get the pant suit pants basically remade to fit the new slimmer me. And only did so because I was desperate and time was of the essence.

A little in shock I decided to go to a store in the mall–Christopher & Banks. I worried about the clothes being a little more matronly but I had past success with finding good deals and complete outfits. I picked a good day. Many items on the sale racks, 30% off on many other racks, and I think the slacks were buy one, get one. After a long time looking, I settled on a jacket, a fitted shell, and brown slacks. I thought okay, I need to go down a size. I went into the fitting room and the shell and the jacket looked great. The slacks were “average” but even if I was wearing heels would still need to be hemmed almost 2 inches. What gives? I was not going to pay “miracle prices” for a simple hem.

There was a rack of “shorts.” Not petite, just short. So I decided to try my luck and even go for the next size smaller and “short”. Wouldn’t you know it? They fit, were still loose, and would look good with heels. I just don’t get it. Here’s the other thing… I have jeans in the same size that I’m hanging up like carrots to fit into because while I can fit them, I just don’t feel look flattering enough yet. And these slacks were still loose? Crazy.

I have now learned I should always buy separates and try them on first–I am apparently 2 sizes different between tops and bottoms. I have learned that while I have no idea what size I am, neither does the fashion industry. I have learned that “miracle work” tailoring costs a premium (but it was worth it in the end). And I have learned there is nothing more funny than having said tiny miracle worker tell you repeatedly that you have no butt.

Next up: The Packing Dilemma: where was my memo?