Archive for December, 2010

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Good-Bye 2010, Hello 2011

December 30, 2010

New Year’s Resolutions in no particular order…

Let’s see, I lost 10 pounds in 2010. Maybe I’ll lose 11 pounds in 2011.

I am going to start weeding out deadwood. This will be hard but I’ve decided to become more discerning with my time and energies. Yet I hate this—I feel so jaded, so pessimistic. DH says I work myself up sometimes, expecting the worst out of people in certain situations. I tell him that on first and second encounters I do not. It is only after repeated burnings that I DO expect the worst so that I am prepared for all eventualities and if in the end my expectations are not met then I am pleasantly surprised; my “worry for nothing” harms no one (maybe annoys him but doesn’t harm him) and protects me if I’m right. Sadly though, this weeding is more about a reaction to the brutality of others in general. I just do not want to care anymore about people who are just not worth it.

Spend more time writing—either this blog, my journal, or for creative purposes. Interestingly, WordPress has issued a blog a day/week challenge but I’m slow to commit. Seriously, how long did it take me to actually start this blog and I’m having a hard time letting anyone know about it? I’m going to be using the weekly writing workshop prompts from Mama Kat so I think that’s about all the commitment I can muster right now.

Spend less time on FB. If I’ve done sufficient enough weeding, this shouldn’t be a problem.

Listen to more gospel and contemporary Christian music. Garbage in, garbage out, right? Maybe I need to be thinking about what is going in. Oh, I won’t be able to give up some of the guilty pleasures I read, but maybe some uplifting music will be better than the garbage I’m hearing on the radio. I can’t even bring myself to listen to it with T1 and T2 around—so why should I be listening to it at all?

Always make sure DH knows how much I appreciate him and that I support him, no matter what. I also need to make sure T1 and T2 make the most of their time with DH, to not take him for granted, and to really understand the sacrifice DH is willing to make for us, so that we have all the nice things and extras.

I want to spend 2011 looking at each of the Fruits of the Spirit and see what I can do about making them grow in my life and in the lives of my children. My tree branches feel pretty bare.

As for my festive plans… well, I was planning on a quiet evening with T1 and T2 and Cassie but I accepted an invitation to dinner and games. Every ounce of my being wanted to decline but I have learned if you say “No” too many times, the invitations stop coming. My parents were and still are relative homebodies. T1 and T2 while busy in their activities do not have a roaring social lives (yet) and most “playdates” are actually babysitting in disguise. This will be good for all of us and I’m fond of the family who invited us.

I am hosting New Year’s dinner the following day for DH’s family as it is their turn. I offered to host and cook because they have hosted too many times to count and just took T1, T2 and I on a trip. My sister, BIL and Cousin IT are traveling my way for a party and staying over so I invited them to join us for the meal as well. The house won’t be spotless and I’m thankful the ham is precooked but it will be okay. Besides, it gives me a chance to use my china which has only been used ONCE!

And when the day is done, it is one more day closer to DH getting home.

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Merry Christmas!

December 24, 2010

Well, the Bah Humbug spirit has left me. Christmas Eve has turned into a nice day and I expect tomorrow to be just as good.

This is the first year both T1 and T2 “know”. But they’ve been game. They even sat on Santa’s knees and told him their wish lists even though Cousin IT is too young to even notice. We set out cookies and eggnog tonight. They kept up appearances for the sake of tradition. I am grateful. It was a sweet gift from them to me. It was what I needed.

I’ve told the children that Santa is a parent’s way of being able to give joy anonymously and to be little children ourselves. They are beginning to see that as they watch their youngest cousin grow. Not this year, but next will be even more fun. They also wanted to start being more involved in the picking of teacher gifts, making a few even; and they wanted to spend their own money on each other.

DH was at sea last year as well. It wasn’t an easy time and he was stressed. He was acquiring Wii gaming systems for the ships. He had asked me if I wanted a Cricut machine and I just couldn’t bring myself to say I wanted him to spend that kind of money on me for a frivolous extra so he decided to purchase Wii for the family. The boxes arrived early and I was asked not to peek and wait to open them together. Because T2 still believed we couldn’t say this gift was from Santa.

On Christmas Eve, after we returned home from our traditional day with DH’s family, DH called one last time with a request. He said, “I had such a bad day. I want to hear the children when they open the box.” We put him on speaker phone. I hoped the shouts of delight cheered him up as much as he needed it. I was floored. We had never discussed it. We were satisfied with our old hand-me-down XBox & DDR. I joked that maybe I should have taken him up on the Cricut if he had such an itch to spend money! (He did eventually find it for me after Christmas for dirt cheap on Craig’s List.)

This year has not been going well for DH either. No big family surprise gifts have arrived but a small box for me. I haven’t peeked but DH is having fun asking if he remembered to poke holes in the box and telling his brother to warn me to step back when I open it. He’s been acting like a kid in a candy store, taunting me with the surprise. And I’ve behaved and am waiting patiently–you see, in the past I’ve gone so far as to take the credit card bill and drive to the store and scope out what he could have possibly bought me. I essentially took his joy away. Maybe being Santa all these years taught me how horrible a thing that was to do.

Merry Christmas to all! May you be home for Christmas, with your loved one, even if only in your dreams. God Bless.

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Almost Famous

December 22, 2010

So… one person actually has read my blog. Cool.

Now I can never be famous. Well, I could be, but it will all come back to haunt me. I’ve mentioned before that I want anonymity: to protect my children, my financial identity, and to–in a really weird way–keep me honest. But I’ve often wondered/worried about who and what from my past would rear its ugly head if for some strange twist of fate I actually became famous. Or DH ran for political office. And as I’ve said, for legal reasons I can never mention who DH works for other than his rank.

I know this sounds paranoid. I know we all have things in our past and blogging tends to loosen up people’s “tongues” when they really should think before typing. But here’s the deal: I am a proud Christian, and not one from a more liberal denomination; I have moral standards that others will say are closed-minded and judgmental. I try to hold myself to those standards but I have done some stupid things in my past. It’s one of the reasons why I am actually slow to make a judgement call (notice I didn’t say pass judgement, the two are different). Let’s just say that if you happen to be of my persuasion, everyone looks to see you mess up, and your past and your blogging history are fair game.

Back to those standards… they’re pretty high. I don’t expect anyone to live up to them. No that’s not right. I am more concerned about whether I can live up to them to even care if the next person does or does not. That’s not to say I haven’t been let down but that’s neither here nor there. What is here is that I make others uncomfortable. Others make themselves feel like my standards are impossible to keep–when I never asked them to keep them–and they preemptively accuse me of being judgmental and a snob.

So yeah, I’m not even famous and I know what it is like to have little things thrown in your face. So what will I write here? Should I? Hey, when no one was reading it was a lot safer. Oh sure some crack journalist could one day figure out who SnipeWife is… so that is why I’ll be careful not to air the dirtiest laundry, especially not laundry best left in the past. But I also know that someone with a chip against people like me are ready to rip us to shreds–for having a moral standard different from their own and one that, yes, is narrower than the way society is heading.

But I also believe in the “shut up and sing” policy. So if I ever did become famous, my views are my views. I won’t get on a soap box about anything that I’m not an expert on. Does that mean I lack conviction? No it just means my energies to my views and my causes are best served elsewhere–by doing rather than spouting. Again, if I’m not willing to live up to my standards, then I’ve got a lot of rethinking to do.

So to my one reader, thank you. I hope you enjoy this slice of life and glimpse into SnipeWife land. If I become famous, you could say you knew me when…

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What I really want to say…

December 20, 2010

I am finding I cannot say, even here where the likelihood of my identity becoming known is small. (Okay, two other people beside DH know I’m doing this so I guess there goes that anonymity.)

I found myself apologizing to DH for the mood I’m in… nothing is funny, nothing is exciting, nothing is happy. It could be many things: S.A.D., the stunning brutality of a family member, the recent funerals I’ve had to attend, the lingering cough that turned into bronchitis, the stronger medicines, and dear old Aunt Flo. I so hate to complain–all I have to do is think of those that have lost loved ones (see Life is Short post) or jobs or homes or even marriages, and I know my life is good and I truly have nothing to complain about.

DH was so sweet to accept my apology and list all those things going on in my life. A more understanding spouse would be hard to find.

I’m holding it all in though. I have no release. I’d like to give out a few pieces of my mind. Clear the air. Set the record straight. But I have chosen to take the high road and I can’t. Haven’t you ever just wanted to say, “It stinks” just because it does? I don’t want sympathy. I don’t want the understanding. I certainly don’t want a pity party. I just want a few nods, a few “I hear yas”, a few “Yups”. And I want to be able to say it without anyone reminding me of how good I have it, without condemnation, without any false platitudes of understanding or “cheer ups”. And I don’t want to talk about it.

But I need to get some of this out or I am going to explode. I’ve at least got a few girl friends who I know can tell when things aren’t normal and will check on me. I know DH feels better knowing they are in my life.

Two months almost done, one more to go. I’m not sure it will be here soon enough.

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