Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category


Spring, Spring!

March 8, 2016

Is it here? I hope so. But then we had a 70 degree day on Leap Day and snow on Thursday night giving us a 2-hour school delay! And now we are expected to reach record highs this week, set back in 2000.

Crook and Heddie "chase" the sun around the yard on Leap Day 2016.

Crook and Heddie “chase” the sun around the yard on Leap Day 2016.

Crazy March weather!

Crazy March weather!

I am looking forward to Spring, even if it means we get crazy busy with soccer and T2’s last year in middle school. She is currently in the process of applying to the same select advances program as T1. More nerve-wracking the second time around than I thought it would have been. She had her final middle school band concert the other night. The Chief had to ship out early due to a schedule change later this year. But he will be home for her awards night and her 8th grade semi-formal.



My Heart is Lighter

November 21, 2015

To say that the past two weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster would not even cover it. There aren’t enough hours in the day or hours of sleep. I am drained.

But my heart is lighter. My father is doing well. The surgeon finished early and feels she got it all. There are a lot of details but things look to be in his favor… Size, time frame, hopefully clear lymphnodes. God is good.

My parents of course drove me crazy by not having any clear game plan. “Pray for me to have more patience.” “Why?” “Because I will kill him!” oh, you mean he’s acting like an emotional drama queen? I have no idea where I’ve seen that before.

The next night I pretty much got asked to drop everything just in case he got released early. Let me clearly state, I would have dropped everything for an emergency but I couldn’t wrap my head around why this was being asked of me when my older sister lived in their town, does not have two busy teens, and her husband is home to watch her children. When I checked in with my sister I almost blew a gasket when she said she hadn’t been asked!

Thankfully other family members insisted on being there to help and logic prevailed and we actually got a schedule firmly in place about who was doing what and when.

I took my mother to the VA hospital the day after the surgery. He was not as disfigured as I was expecting. He has a lisp but when the swelling goes down and with a little speech therapy it should not be noticeable. The side of the neck where all the lymphnodes were removed is sunken in but that may flesh out.

It was a good day with my parents. We talked about the every day things of life continuing on. My children are their first grandchildren. Many firsts coming up…concert solos, driving permits, the beginning of the college and scholarship search, and the youngest applying for a special high school. We talked about the Chief and his ever changing schedule. Yes, even would he be home for Christmas and for once I didn’t mind the question even if I had no answer. It took two hours to get mom home and another hour for me to get home, but I didn’t mind. Not with a lighter heart.

Mom took a day off and my sister went to see him at lunch. We got word early in the day that he would be released on Saturday. My sister’s schedule was more open so she is taking mom to get him discharged as per the schedule we came up with. God is so good.

There have been other things come up in these two weeks that have left me saying “I seriously do not need this right now!” and “What now?!” that I can’t go into. I am barely treading water and struggle with sinking into depression. The Chief has been supportive and open with me when I discussed considering antidepressants for a short period. Hopefully the crisis of dad’s illness passing will ease the burden not only on my heart but my head.

But for now my heart is lighter and I know that God is so good.


Lessoned Learned

October 24, 2015

The Chief made a comment about sailing into rough weather. As I was leaving a job today, weather images of tropical storms and a hurricane were on the lobby TV. “Well I didn’t need to see that.” I checked Marine Traffic and Find Ship but both confirmed what I already knew: he was out of range and would be for some time.

Then I saw astronaut Scott Kelly’s eerily beautiful image of Hurricane Patricia from the International Space Station posted on Instagram. I direct messaged the Chief the image with “Are you in this?!”

Hurricane Patricia by Astronaut Scott Kelly

Hurricane Patricia by Astronaut Scott Kelly

Eventually his reply came through. He was 300+ miles south. I breathe a little easier. He later sent me an image of their course & location.

I never used to worry. I never used to stalk his ship on a regular basis. I want to go back to being blissfully ignorant. Maybe this little jump the gun is to remind me that no amount of worry will change outcomes. Worry will only make me miserable these last years of his career.

I need to trust my mariner’s skills and judgement and more to the point have trust and faith in God.


Life is Short

November 28, 2014

The following was posted on the Merchant Marine Wives page on FaceBook:

Hello ladies. I’m posting this with the Admin’s permission. Not MM related but as an MMW I am appreciative of the dads who are active in their children’s lives and who make an effort to help me out especially when my MM is at sea. In Girl Scouts we call these heroes Green Knights. On Nov. 13th my Girl Scout troop lost one of its Green Knights, a man with such a genuine heart and good spirit. They’d been with our troop for over 5 years and my heart breaks for the daughters and wife. When people ask me how I “do all that I do running a troop, etc., while my MM is away” I tell them I do it with people like Juan helping me. He will be truly missed. The family will be in a tight financial position soon–you can read the details on the memorial funds. There have been two set up with the knowledge of the family and verified as legitimate. The GoFundMe has the most momentum but they charge a 10% fee; the other does not. We’re just trying to get the word out to help this family. Thank you for your consideration. Please, as uncomfortable as it is, talk with your MM and have the discussion about insurance and plans. And don’t forget to tell them how much you love them and appreciate all that they sacrifice for those of us at home.

YouCaring Memorial Account

GoFundMe Memorial Account

Needless to say, I can relate. And it is not easy having “those” talks but it is so necessary. I do find having the discussion now in our 40s with the girls older and closer to being on their own is a different kind of conversation than one we’d have had a decade ago. Of course I didn’t think we’d need to make sure my medical needs were covered but there you go. We are not guaranteed our health nor tomorrow.

I understand that Thanksgiving Day is now “Brown Friday” followed by Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday, and GIVING TUESDAY–please consider helping out this family.


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