Posts Tagged ‘rules’


Too Connected…?

March 25, 2013

Without social media I am not sure I’d be picking up the phone trying to contact people to give them my condolences. First of all, I doubt I’d have the phone numbers. Besides, I hate the telephone. But social media causes all kinds of social etiquette questions and new situations. Think about how people are having to send “Sorry but you’re not invited” announcements for weddings and parties that are public knowledge because of social media.

For example, I have one friend who announced in church that a family member passed but did not mention it on FB. Mutual friends started posting condolences. What if the person didn’t want it to be so public? People certainly would not want to cause additional pain intentionally.

Someone else who had a baby did not want information about said baby on FB due to the nature of her job.

My heart is still aching for my friend and the loss of her daughter. It was right there on FB. Eventually when the grandmother said something, I sent my condolences to her as well. Here’s the deal and dilemma: this family is large and has several ex’s in several generations but all the children seem to still communicate. This loss will surely be felt by most. But I’ve hesitated sending condolences to those in the family I know mutually (and am FB friends with) because I don’t know if they know for one thing. Obviously I would not plaster their page with “I’m sorry for your loss” if they haven’t said anything but I still hesitate to send a private note. Because, second, while children may still have relationships that is no guarantee ex’s do or that they keep in touch with ex-steps. No one needs extra drama at this time of such tragic loss.

Certainly, social media has its merits for being able to reach out at a time of loss–or joy–but the etiquette rules are so blurry.

I think it would be safe to say one should “mind their own business” and just be there for the friend when the service is announced. Social media makes everything everyone’s business. While it can be the fastest way to get the word out and stay connected, it can be the fastest way to get the word out… if you know what I mean.

Just thoughts I’m pondering as I just wish I could do or say something more than I’m so sorry. My prayers for this family have been unending.

The other thought I keep thinking about is how we always tend to say all the wrong things and often the person suffering the loss ends up feeling like they have to comfort everyone else! I posted a quip about “hug your children no matter how old they are. we are not guaranteed tomorrow.” So many started asking me what was wrong. I did say an old friend lost a child too soon … much the same way I blogged on here. But it generated “Oh I’m so sorry” as if it was my loss. Certainly many said they would pray for this family and I think that is a wonderful bonus of social media. They certainly need our prayers.

But it wasn’t about me. I don’t need comforting–I found myself making sure I was saying my heart aches for her–because it is not my heart breaking for the loss of a child. I just wanted, out of that ache, to remind people to cherish their loved ones. Life is just too short.


Only 5 minutes to write…

December 23, 2012

Then I’m off to take the girls to my in-laws and I will get to any last-minute shopping.

So yesterday’s post … keeping busy has its drawbacks. That constant roller coaster of gearing up for one party, the event, then the let down (not in a disappointment sence but in the relaxation of the body afterwards). It can be tough. Especially if you suffer from depression or are an introvert (or BOTH!).

So what do you do about certain events that were designed to be for the adults but you have kids and dad is at sea or MIA? A long time ago my in-laws used to host the annual church party. If I was going, I was bringing my girls. I mean, come on? I’m going to get a sitter when the party is at their grandparents? I hate to say it but some did complain especially when they got past the adorable toddler stage. But it was their house for all purposes (both my in-laws’ and my girls’). Sitters are expensive and to have to get a sitter when one is already cash strapped is harder. Eventually we started asking some of the teens to come and sit for my girls and any other children and they were entertained in the basement apartment. We changed people’s minds and no one complained any more (that I know of).

So when we moved and I came to a different congregation I was back to square one with the whole “adults only” thing. It was compounded by the fact if a children’s party was announced, almost all the of the parents felt it was a time to get 2 and half hours of free babysitting instead of staying with their children and helping and getting to know the other parents.

I guess I’ve let some uncomfortable situations get in the way. I don’t go to Ladies Class any more–none of the young mothers or mothers that don’t work do. There is such a great divide in ages. There was a ladies ornament exchange party last night and when asked if I was going I said–I have the girls because the Chief is at sea. This morning I was told someone else had brought her daughters, both younger than mine. “You should have come! No one would have minded!”

Should I have gone? Would it have been just one more thing to drag the girls to? Was I partied out? The girls and I enjoyed watching Barbie’s Nutcracker together, making hot chocolate with peppermint marshmallows and a dash of my mom’s eggnog to cool it off. In this case, letting them socialize with older women from church would have been a good example. I just don’t know.

There is a new Ladies Class that is meeting on Saturdays–for the younger working women of the congregation. Perhaps the age divide won’t be so great. I guess there are a few things I need to let go of and start setting a better example for my girls. It is interesting that perviously our entire social life revolved around church and we had very little in the way of “worldly” friends. Now, with all the children’s activities, some of my best friends–all in fact–come from those activities even if our children no longer get along or have moved on to other things. There is value in fellowshiping with those people–setting a good example, being the “salt of the earth” … but it is also important to “lift one another up” and get a spiritual recharge as well.

So the pendulum has swung to both extremes and now I need to find a middle ground and get back to basics. As busy as we are I need to show the children, who are just as introverted as the Chief and me, that we need to pace ourselves and make sure we balancing our fellowship and spiritual connections.

Ooops… wrote for 15 minutes. Better get on the road!


Writing Workshop: Color Clash

June 8, 2011

4.) In honor of the “white” after Memorial Day rule, name a fashion rule that you either break or enforce. (inspired by Jenny at Karma Continued…) It has been a trying week. I wish I could say that it was all the wonderful high of watching T1 finish elementary school and getting the children’s awesome report cards and standardized test results (they rocked them!) but it has been marred by rude sales people, rude acquaintances, sore foot, and well, that time of the month. So this is a brief post just to keep the momentum going. I was so late last week I’m not sure too many checked it out.

PINK and RED do NOT, repeat DO NOT, go together. Just don’t do it. Not even for Valentines Day.

DH did not understand this. His attempts to dress the children usually resulted in me having to undress and change the children.

He also believes it is okay to wear mismatched socks and to wear them inside out. While the children have not resorted to mismatched socks, T1 will wear them inside out and flippantly answer “I don’t care” when I point out this error. (T1 does but is at the age where she does not want to admit she dressed herself wrong; to the point of wearing basketball shorts inside out.)

So leave your pinks and reds at the door and match your socks. Thank you.

This Week’s Prompts

1.) Last week you chose a 6 word memoir to share…this week elaborate. Tell us the story or thought process behind the sentence you wrote.
2.) Write a dramatic synopsis of a memorable day in your life, as if it was a movie or TV series. (Inspired by Alison from Mama Wants This)
3.) Describe what you think your life would be like if you had never had kids.
(inspired by Amy from Somebody’s Parent)
4.) In honor of the “white” after Memorial Day rule, name a fashion rule that you either break or enforce. (inspired by Jenny at Karma Continued…)
5.) Share a memorable road trip story!(inspired by the Crooked Little House)

Bonus Vlog Option!
Sometimes it’s hard to put yourself out there on video, but it’s a fun and different option for a post and a great way for your readers to get to know you better. The problem is many of us don’t know what to vlog about…this bonus prompt option will give you the inspiration you need to create a short video for your blog. Now to drum up the courage…
6.) Summer is here and it’s time to hit the water…will you be jumping in with the kids? How do you feel about prancing around in your swimsuit?

If you want more information about Mama Kat’s Writing Workshop, click on that trophy over there…

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