Posts Tagged ‘recovery’

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Mission to New York – Super Storm Sandy

November 13, 2012

Mission to New York – Super Storm Sandy.

Without giving away my anonymity (I hope) I do know the author of this article and blog personally. One of these days I’ll get him to guest post. Thanks US Common Sense for posting this first hand account.

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Personal: I Survived

June 22, 2011

I looked back at my post on March 27, It’s Going to be Rough, and I’m relieved at how much things have changed. Are they 100% better or perfect? No, but then life rarely is. (And if you have those kinds of stats, I don’t want to know who you are. It could be dangerous to your health.)

I guess the biggest change is my perspective on things. Life went on. It had to go on and I wasn’t existing day-to-day just waiting for DH to get home, or to get over the latest cold, or waiting for Spring to get here.

DH is now home. One thing I’m trying to maintain with this blog is to keep it from being a personal vent/rant zone about our dirty laundry. Yes, I have discussed lessons learned along the way but saying or posting something that hasn’t resolved just yet is only going to hurt in ways I couldn’t begin to imagine. That being said, I just want to say even how I am seeing and dealing with normal marriage hiccoughs right now is vastly different from a few months ago.

My dust allergy combined with a killer sinus headache sidelined me in bed for the better part of two days (note to self: wear a mask the next time to touch things that haven’t been dusted in 8 years!) but instead of wallowing in that cocoon like I would have a few months ago, I felt bad to be missing out on family interaction and actually popped a few more ibuprofen and joined the family and the greyhound on a walk through our neighborhood to the local Gander Mountain store–they let us bring Cassie in! I took a long nap later but it felt good to be with DH and the children.

I have several training related injuries right now–the soft tissue bruise in my left foot and the holy cow I think I broke my hip elliptical trainer injury (yes, the alternative to not running is killing my hip now) but unlike the anxiety-ridden stress-induced panic attacks and breathing problems (all from inflamed chest wall muscles and strains from bench pressing) I am working through and being positive. And being a little more motivated to stick to the Torturer’s diet so that if I don’t lose any weight I won’t at least gain. Or stop gaining as I did put on a few pounds. And I’m looking at a Rita’s cup right now… 🙂

Eliminating mood-altering OTCs such as Zyrtec and sleep aids has been a tremendous improvement. Being more proactive with PMS instead of reactive is helping too.

I survived a trip with the scouts out of the state and even let the other leader take the lead because she had the GPS. Did I enjoy letting go of that kind of control–NO! But I did not have a total melt down, though I will admit I needed a bit more recovery time. On the other hand, that more fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants leader was very appreciative that I took care of the other details including making sure we had boxed lunches ordered. We make a good team and on a personal level it was very good for me.

Spring and all the busy activities helped like I thought it would. Summer busyness is in full swing but I’m glad the school year has come to an end and scouts is over for the most part. I managed to get the children to their activities and see as many games of each child as possible, even if it meant driving for two hours and 50+ miles. And I stood up for my soccer player without becoming “that parent.” That experience is helping me get back to not second-guessing myself so much (don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll still call you just to double-check–you know who you are!).

I have also found two beneficial reasons for what I’ve gone through, one long-term and one that I hope will be a guide for me as my children enter their preteen and middle school years. I can see that I can make this positive and useful–it is my choice.

It is not perfect but it is closer to normal. I’ll take it because perfect would be boring. And our life is supposed to be anything but boring.

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It’s Going to Be Rough

March 27, 2011

I was really hoping having DH home would give me the chance to rest and catch up; to recover from the stress and garbage heaped on me back in November as a result of a brutal attack from someone I should have been able to trust. Instead I have spent the last 80 days going from one illness or event to another and I am not rested by any means.

I had all those breathing issues–which could very well have been all from the stress or may be related to my heart condition or to strained muscles from E.o.t.T. I have had two sinus infections that have laid me out flat for days. I had no idea I seem to be so sick until everyone kept asking me at church this morning and commenting that my FB posts are one illness after another.

And I’m not bouncing back. Not when I have to play catch up to make up for all the down time. DH has totally picked up the slack. He has spent the weekend getting T1 and T2 through their science fair projects so that the experiments are done before he leaves. He’s trying to get pinewood derby cars designed and cut. I still have to give him my home business tax information so we can file by Tuesday.

If I were completely honest, the days that I lay curled in bed with a fever and my Kindle, with no one to see, nowhere to go, DH taking care of everything–getting the children up, ready for school, dealing with them when they got home, and even leaving the big bed for me to sleep in alone–I was happy in my own little cocoon.

I get enjoyment out of solitary things or even things with the family, just us. But everything else–scouts, church, PTA, soccer, volunteering at the school or even subbing–I have to work myself up into actually wanting to do them. I don’t want to do them and I really could care less. Even on DH’s trip, the most stressful day for me was the one with the spouses. I don’t want to be involved in any activity that puts me “out there”. I don’t want to be vulnerable to criticism and attacks. And when these “chores” are done, I crash hard and I need alone time.

Before I raise any more flags than I already have, those flags went up for me more than a month ago. I am taking steps to get out of this funk. This is not like me. However, the nature of what happened in November left me scarred and walls went up in a very normal defensive reaction for me. But the reaction has become so extreme and has lasted way too long. And I should have seen it from the start but I just kept hoping “once DH gets home…” It feels as if he came home just yesterday and now I’m working on the laundry to make sure all his work clothes are ready to be repacked. It also feels as if because of physical illness I am no better than I was.

I don’t know how I am going to meet the needs of my children. T1 is always very needy when DH goes to sea. I’ve written about that before. Now T2 is at a critical age (8 1/2) where I had issues with T1. All I can do is tell T2 to learn from example and really think about whether T1 got anything more than in MORE trouble for the back talking, the excuse making to try to justify bad behavior when we’ve been caught, and the sudden introduction of exaggeration and melodrama into all of our expression.

I am not a patient person. I am even less so now and I feel so sorry for my children. I’ve already told T1 I will need all the help I can get and I expect the use of common sense. I’ve told T2 I will find time to have Momma-Child time with just T2. Oh, and this came on the same weekend when T1 was jealous and mad that T2 got her dream dress for Father-Daughter and not 24 hours later T2 expressed how much she hates getting hand-me-downs. I can’t win. If only they knew how jealous of each other they were.

I really hope that the very demanding schedule (I seem to enjoy being on the go) and the hopeful return of spring weather will help. I also hope that the busyness will help the children be less apt to act up–or at least I can just throw them in bed as soon as we get home so I don’t have to deal. The only problem that seems to be cropping up is a great deal of forgetfulness that I usually do not have.

Maybe I’ve started this blog at just the right time. The whole anonymous thing is part of that stress. I have a lot to share but I’m not ready for anyone close to me to know about this blog. I’m not sure what I’m worried about–except for crazy spam referer days or if I mention any Garth Brooks songs I only have 6 regular readers (yeah! I’m up from 4!). Oh, but three of you know who I am… well, you may get to know me better, warts and all.

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