Posts Tagged ‘Morality’

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Why is it….?

November 26, 2011

There is an obnoxiously cute saying out there “God put your arms around my shoulders and your hand across my mouth.”

Why is it that some people have no problem speaking their minds, no qualms about hurting those around them, no moral compass to say you’re off track? And others, myself included, will suffer in silence? I hesitate to speak negatively about those in my life even on this anonymous blog.

This was my original Thanksgiving post for today, Nov. 26th:

Nov. 26 I am thankful these 365 days are over. I know that there are things in life that shape us into the people we are–and it is our choice whether we let those things have a positive or a negative effect on our character. There are things set in to motion a year ago that I honestly could have done without. But I know that there is a purpose for everything under the sun and I have faith. It is the forgiveness part that I sometimes stumble with. Here is to the next 365 days being so much better.

I left out the italics part when I posted it.

Why? What’s wrong with this post? This is benign compared to the vague post I’d really like to put up. Say I made a statement “The only good Rose is a dried one” but I’m having a conflict with the Rose in my life and they read into this statement exactly what I was vaguely implying … but I could (not with good conscience) say “I was making a statement about the long-lasting qualities of dried flowers and nothing about you.” There would be no way to refute what I say was the intent of my post. But it would spread far and wide what I posted and what is believed to be my intent. For the mere moment of satisfaction it caused my Rose some pain, it would not be worth dealing with everyone else. And I’d feel some guilt knowing that my intent was not so innocent.

I do want to state that I believe the actions of others 365 days ago caused me pain (though it was from misinterpreting an off-color, humorous, vague posting that meant exactly as I intended to write it). I want to state that I have struggled with forgiveness (or else I wouldn’t want to make snarky Rose statements). I want to thank those that stood by me and by lack of inclusion on that list point out those that did not. But I don’t want to hear “You are being petty.” “You’re right, you haven’t forgiven.” “You need to let it go.” “You’re the one dragging this out.” “It was done and over with and you’re the one bringing it up again.” Well, it isn’t done and over with–I live with the consequences every day.

So I censor myself, make my posts vague even to me. Without guilt I can say I truly am glad this year is over, it has shaped me, for the better I hope; and I hope the next year is better.

But sometimes, just once, I’d like to be the person who does not care who their words hurt. I’d like to know what that kind of freedom feels like. Even as I write this, I know that there is ultimately no freedom in being that kind of person. The freedom after this life is the prize to be attained; those that live otherwise have their reward here and now. So what is it that they lack when I seem to be so full of stop-gap measures? Does the law of unintended consequences not even register in their minds?

I am grateful God’s hand is over my mouth though there are times when I wish it was clamped tightly because occasionally my poor choice of words and lack of discretion must slip out through loose fingers. I’m not perfect. I have had to suffer the consequences of rashly spoken or posted words. I have had to seek forgiveness of those I have offended. There is no mirror like that of a child parroting back unkind and rash words spoken about others.

I cannot be the only one who feels this way. I believe there are far more of us who do censor ourselves. It just feels like the ones who don’t cause so much pain and damage to so many more.

You can never re-call spoken words or unsend once you hit the send button. I wish everyone thought of this before acting. Me included.

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