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Personal: Half-way Point

November 18, 2013

It is about half-way through this month of 30 Days of Thanks.

About this time I start second guessing myself and the things I’m thankful for and the posts I make.

When the month starts I’m so excited to count my blessings. I love to see the friends who participate. I am encouraged by it. I hope my posts encourage those others.

I have to say that far fewer are doing so this year though. But so many “Like” my posts more than usual too. Maybe they are getting encouragement even if they aren’t publicly posting.

*Side note: I’m not getting as many likes on here as I did in past years but my general traffic is down. Really must get back to Mama Kat’s on a regular basis.*

So I wonder if my daily posting of all the things I’m thankful are starting to sound uppity and trite. Are they sounding Pharasitical? “Thank God for all that I have and am not like that publican over there!”

I find that this year’s list is different from the past two. I’m finding daily occurrences things to be thankful for. Sometimes that means I don’t post until bedtime, but I still get one in daily. It will be interesting to compare the lists.

I’m trying not to second guess myself and see the spirit of doing such an exercise. Some would say why do so publicly? Isn’t that a bit arrogant? Well, I’m giving thanks to the one who gave it to me first and for most and yet those others post all those “cute” and quippy pictures about Christ and “only 1% will repost and if you deny me I will deny you before the Father” memes and chain letters. Am I not declaring Christ in my own way, by thanking him and acknowledging I know where my blessings come from?

Sometime in the next 10 days will be the anniversary of a brutal personal attack that took place in the midst of my first time participating in Thankfulness November. Being told that you are spoiled, selfish, self-centered, and delusionally believing the world revolves around you while “others are just trying to be good with what life has dealt them” can take its toll. While the attack wasn’t about my thankfulness posts, it made me question everything about what I had written.

Was it selfish to post that I’m thankful for my children when Susie Q couldn’t have children of her own? The Chief is a saint and a superhero but Betty Lou’s husband is nasty, angry man. Was it (or is it still) wrong of me to so publicly flaunt what I have?

I had actually just gotten up the courage to start this blog. What is more self-centered than to write a blog about–you guessed it, yourself! I almost gave up and if it weren’t for the encouragement of a blogger known then as Scribblings of a Soccer Mom (she no longer blogs under this pen name but instead through her professional site and work as a photographer) I would have.

It is one of the downfalls and dark side of social media. Facebook and other constant interaction sites are really messing with the mental health of people these days. I have no idea how many out of the 365 people on my friends list have hidden my daily posts. I know I’ve hidden a few or actually unfriended altogether. I think I’ve had a few all-time high “Likes” when I posted things like “Mom’s last chemo treatment” or “T1 got her Silver Award” and have been tempted to remove everybody but those that actually “Like”d what I had to say. But I know others rarely post on FB and the random out of the blue like of one of my thankfulness comments gets me to thinking at least they’re reading my statuses and it really doesn’t mean anything if they don’t click “Like”. I’ve often said I wish FB had just a “I hear ya” button.

So as I go into the final days of November and I think about not only what I’m thankful for but for ways to give back, I will try not to second guess myself. After all, I can’t help it if someone else is offended. That is their personal burden to bear. I will try not to lose steam and keep the daily posts meaningful and relevent. I will try to find the actions of others as praise-worthy things.

And I will celebrate my blogging anniversary as a triumph and not an anniversary to dread.

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