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Year of Listening Strikes Again

February 22, 2013

I had the strangest dream last night. Or this morning, rather. And I had this dream within the 30 minute snooze between alarms. Seriously, I can go into deep REM sleep just like that.

It wasn’t exactly a good dream. I’m trying to listen to what it is telling me–everything in the dream relates to the stress in my life. Talk about garbage download!

The dream took place in real-time–it was about this very day.

The weather was bad but they hadn’t canceled school. I am hoping and praying the weather holds or passes and T2 All-District Chorus concert, which is being held at one of the remotest schools possible, happens as scheduled. You see the proposed make-up date is for my annual scrapbooking/birthday weekend. UGH! I do not want it to be rescheduled. Call me selfish. Additionally the make-up date is the day T1, the Chief, and T1’s award mentor are supposed to visit the campsite where her project will take place. A little less selfish sounding if I throw that in, don’t you think?

In the dream I am actively trying to listen to weather reports and whether school is canceled. (I was doing this just before I hit snooze, assuming no immediate reports were a good thing.)

Suddenly I hear someone calling my name. Then a strange high-school aged boy comes into my room and asks if T1 can take two sandwiches to school for lunch. What on earth is she still doing home and why is a teenage boy in my bedroom asking a question for her? I go out of my room and to the front door only to find T1 is standing there in a pair of penguin pajamas she hasn’t worn in like three years so you can only imagine what it looks like on her pre-teen curvaceous 5’5″ frame now. I believe the teenage boy says something to the effect of “It’s okay. I can give her a lift to school.” Uh no. And not dressed like that. I order her to her room to change and get a lot of eye rolling. I tell said unknown teenage boy he can go on his way and I will drive her to school.

Then T1 and T2 appear in my room both wearing shorts. T1’s are bordering on Daisy Dukes. “Are you nuts?! It is snowing! Go change! And if you are late for school it is not my fault!”

My cell phone beeps. I have a message. I know who it is from. But my phone is dying. When I try to turn it back on, I get this “On Fire” icon letting me know that the phone is on the verge of exploding. (I have an MP3 player that is the biggest pain to load playlists and it has really been frustrating me lately.) Interestingly, the phone is also slightly chewed. (With the Chief gone and the dogs not getting their daily exhausting walks, they–really just Crookshanks–have gone after the remotes and my phone in recent weeks. My phone was spared but my case and clip were not and it is now naked.)

I finally get the phone on without the impending explosion. I call into voicemail. It is a hushed voice, like the person called in the middle of the night.

“Listen, I didn’t appreciate what happened tonight. I don’t appreciate your complaints or picking on me. I’m not at the same organizational level as you. Get over it. Stop putting me down. And what about you? You want to go hiking? Then go hiking. 6 inches of mud never hurt anyone. Stop putting it all back on me.”

This stresses me out and feels so real that I am wrenched awake. Heart pounding. Did this person really call me? What part of all this was real or just my sleeping mind barfing up all the stress?

I was meeting this person in just a few minutes. I actually had to ask if they called. Yeah, I know–I could have just checked my phone. But I know what the cryptic questions and hushed words were all about. Stress and frustration.

I’m more upset about the cryptic words than I am about the fact my pre-teen tried to walk out the house dressed like who knows what. I have to laugh about that part.

I think I’m supposed to listen to the words or what they’re not saying. I have to not take some of this stress, or maybe all of it, so personally. I have to listen long enough for a chance to better myself and the situation. I have to make sure I’m not the one always on the attack. Had I been? Does this other person see it that way in real life? This person has a very thick skin and gives as good as they get but I have other people in my life who also had really thick skins that in recent times have just proven that their skin has grown too thin (either to my actions or stress in their lives) and their backlash happens in such a strong and hurtful way whether warranted or not. Have I pushed this person too far in my frustration with the situation?

Should I just walk away? That is the “taking it too personally” response. I will never get anything positive out of it if I listen to that voice.

Take a deep breath and listen. Ask questions to improve myself and situation. It isn’t personal and even if it was, you just can’t please everyone. No one can.

So what would Freud say about this one…?

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