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Be a Friend

January 8, 2013

This Week’s Bench Message: Be a Friend

Bench Messages: Be a Friend, Copyright SnipeWife 2013

Bench Messages: Be a Friend, Copyright SnipeWife 2013

Yesterday morning, distraught over the reasons for the sleepless night, exhausted, distraught over the sub-job debacle, I posted and I posted about how wonderfully horrible the year was going. Distraught is a pretty good word for how I felt.

One friend, who thanks to FB I got to reconnect with, posted the following in reply: “(SnipeWife), When L and I said our morning prayer on the way to school we prayed for you. Now be ready for happiness n love today.”

Honestly as my day only got worse I was a little dubious.

Another young man wrote: “bad things happen, good things happen. having been in many desperate situations myself i can only promise one thing: that if you make the most of the good times, the bad ones become a little more bearable, and as long as you have faith, God takes care of the rest 🙂 remember the sermon when Jesus talked about how if God takes care of the birds, how much more will he take care of you? 😉 finally, this may have happened for a good reason. who’s to say that by not getting through this door, that a more prosperous one will be open for you? :-)”

Right now I have to say there are lots of doors of temptation more than opportunity and I’m desperately trying to stay behind what I know is safe and right because I’m having trouble finding my way to the door of new blessings I know God has in store (remember, I’m trying to make this the year of Listening).

Another posted a picture on my FB wall with an owl (she knows T2 loves owls) and the thought: For the week you’re having! The picture said: “I know things are hard right now. You’re going to be okay, but it might take a while. It might be scary, and you might want to give up. Don’t give up. You can do this. Things won’t be this way forever. One day, you’re going to be so proud of yourself.”

I had another friend Instant Messaged me after the update that no sub had been found … and was more stubborn than me. She drove down to talk with me, to listen, to share her own burdens.

What do these four friends have in common? They have some pretty tough burdens to carry. The first lives in chronic pain from multiple illnesses and is worried about an adult son serving overseas. The second served our country and has gotten very little in return; some of the tales he could tell about our legal system and government bureaucracy would make you wonder how he has stayed so positive. The third also has health issues and other stressors where she probably has to say “It won’t be this way forever” over and over again as a mantra. The fourth is in the middle of a firestorm–and that is putting it lightly.

And yet, as she put it later: “I love it when being the stubborn friend pays off. Thank you, (SnipeWife) for a -great- evening and for talking me through my migraine. Frozen yogurt, cathartic conversation, and accidentally talking ’til almost midnight. I think we should do the first two more often. ;)”

These are “happiness n love” L had sent my way.

So be a friend. I needed a friend. I needed to be a friend. I think we could have talked well past midnight but I wanted her to get home safely. Two things struck me and made me say “ooo, I need to blog that for this week’s bench message…” First, she’s going through things where the true colors of those she considered friends are showing. I said to her, “You know, I think our friends are supposed to change because we change. You’ve grown. They’re not there yet. Not necessarily a bad thing. Did this crisis make it happen faster? Yes. I think about my best friend, who delivered my children. Strife brought about what I believe would have naturally happened–we out-grew each other. Other friends, [like the one I ran away to Hogwarts with] that’s a friendship that picks up again no matter what and I know she’d be there. I have another friend (the picture poster) where we both had this mature moment when we realized we were allowed to be friends and stay friends even if our children were no longer in the same activities–because we wanted to be! Others never learn that.” (On a funny not we digressed to wondering how many friends you’d go through if you’d live to be 900 like Methuselah!)

The second thing is I think I’m in a desert of friendships right now. I’m at a changing place. It is neither good nor bad that change happens but I need to turn it into something positive. I need to look for those hard-and-fast friends and be a friend. Some will weather the storms we’re all going through. Some will not. I do cherish every woman in my life right now. Oh, and a few good male friends (just in case #2 reads this 😉 and yes, Chief, you know him.) But if I’m in need of a friend and my things are minor in comparison to some others, surely they need me to be a friend too. I’m hoping I make myself a little more available and maybe we’ll all stop being isolated islands.

Go Be a Friend. You never know who might need you.

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6 comments

  1. Thank you! You just reminded me to check on my older friend who just had surgery. How’s the Chief doing?


    • Talked a little to him today–he’s tired. I wish he could get a little more sleep but oh well. Thanks for asking.


  2. Friendships at this age and in this stage of life can be difficult. I’m navigating some new “women” friendships and finding it a bit stressful but also gratifying.


    • As an introvert I make friends one at a time. Children were a great way to take the pressure off but those aren’t always the best adult friendships. It is just another stage of life I guess. Good luck!


  3. […] think this is a good follow-up to Be a Friend. Go out there and Be […]


  4. Please go check out blogger Terry1954 and her thoughts on What is Considered a Friend?

    http://terry1954.wordpress.com/2013/01/21/what-is-considered-a-friend/



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