Why Is It? Part 2

December 3, 2011

SnipeWife: 0

Law of Unintended Consequences: Billion & 1

To answer my own question about why some people do not care about what they say or who they say it to, it is probably because they do not care about or suffer the consequences of their actions. Sometimes it is a matter of the offended letting them off the hook and other times it is the that the person just does not see it.

Well, I guess I was willing to Vaguebook and not post anything on my FB but really I chose on several occasions to just speak my mind over the last month. I was choosing to just put my thoughts out there, unfiltered. One of my commenters brought up a good point: Are we who we REALLY are unfiltered or filtered? Is it such a good thing to “call it like I see it?” I won’t make excuses. I was CHOOSING to be as blunt as possible to confront any problem head on and taking no prisoners.

T1 is suffering the consequences of my actions. After listening to T1’s struggles with a classmate for a few weeks, when said classmate came up to me I let fly exactly what I was feeling. Honestly, I didn’t think the child heard or understood my snarky comment.

Well, she did. Ironically, she and T1 are better than ever. But because this is the age where talking behind the back begins to rear its ugly head, there are now other classmates involved.

I have apologized to the classmate–I believe it is very important for adults to apologize and set an example (even if we didn’t exactly set a great example to begin with!). The child has admitted my comment made her think, and I think this is why she and T1 are better. There are a million and one better ways to have achieved this however.

I have told T1 that the other friends involved are merely standing up for their friend, as much as I was standing up for my daughter. We’ve all just gone about it wrong and I am supposed to be the adult and obviously did not act like one.

I’ve apologized to T1. I’ve asked her to remember that the only one to be blamed is me. I’ve asked her to remember that the likelihood the other friends have all the information, and correct information at that, is very unlikely and this too is not their fault.

T1 is a better person than I am.

Unfiltered I am mean and snarky. It would not be unfair to say “T1’s Mom is So Mean!” My snarky comments all month have been truthful and blunt. I don’t think anyone would have a problem knowing exactly where I stand. But which is the real me: unfiltered or the filtered one that while I do speak honestly is much nicer about it and does consider the feelings of others? I’m not sure it is just a matter of what would I say if my inhibitions were down. This is a case of where I’d say the same truth, just put in vastly different ways, and hopefully less hurtful.

Who am I kidding? There are things I’d say “venting” that I would never say to a person directly. The older I get though, it is less likely that I will avoid confrontation, and I will let them know a watered-down, filtered version in order to resolve the problem. Right now there is only one situation I will continue to vent about (and hopefully I have gotten that out of my system) without confronting head on.

I don’t know if unfiltered is who I really am, but I do know it showed what I am not. Unfiltered: I’m not a good example. I’m far from being a light of Christ’s. I’m not nice. I can be brutal and uncaring.

Thankfully the classmate has interacted with me on many other occasions and she knows that in the past I have been nicer. But you know what, I need to operate on the assumption that every encounter may be the only encounter. Afterall, you only get one chance to make a first impression. I’d hate for this to be the last impression I leave her with. Or if this was the last example I set for T1.

Guess I better put my filter back on and remind myself of this the next time I want to take a detour off the high road, no matter how lonely it feels.



  1. HA! I unfilter as much as I can … but usually at adults. Kids don’t understand it so why bother? And then the talking behind backs…ugh…girls can be so mean! I usually allow my children to fight their own battles (unless it becomes dangerous). Sorry you’re both dealing with this 🙂

    • It is a lesson to be larned by all. It seems to be going okay. T1’s got a good heart and so does the classmate involved. I’m finding the balance of speaking filtered but still taking no guff from others.

  2. […] all I did tell people No. And then some–my filter was totally off. (See both Why Is It? and Why Is It Part 2.) I took care of me and mine and kept my obligations to a […]

  3. […] no life at all. I do try to be conscientious and weigh my options carefully. I live with a filter (most of the time). If I do make a mistake I want to be given the chance to make amends–I cannot stand when […]

  4. […] are the ones who have looked the other way when I decided to live a little filter-free there for a while, because they knew what was going on and not that I was wanting Cheerleader Barbie drama. […]

  5. […] because I have never been able to get away with that. It seems I eventually have to make amends for my bad days. And honestly I’m okay with because I do not want that for my epitaph but I’ve often […]

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