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Missing In Action

October 2, 2011

I couldn’t even tell you the last time I posted–Talk Like a Pirate Day? Wow! That was half a month ago! I had every intention of posting for Mama Kat’s but it has been a crazy two weeks.

DH has shipped out. In order to get ready for that he had his annual FFD (Fit For Duty) and some of those results made it necessary he see a GP. He also had to go to the eye doctor to get new glasses made, as well as myself and the children. I’ve subbed for the first time this year–because I finally feel able. We had Back to School nights and first interim report cards. Scouts and soccer are in full swing and I’m so thankful DH was home for most of the soccer season–only 1 game left for each child and then play-offs. I had a big scrapbooking event one Saturday–again, so thankful DH was still home to do soccer that day! And the next day we went back to “the old home church” to celebrate their groundbreaking for a long-overdue and much-needed classroom and fellowship hall expansion.

On the day DH left I had both children out of school for their annual physicals and T1’s dermatology appointment. My mother-in-law joined us for lunch in between appointments and DH surprised her by joining us on his way to the airport.

It was such a long, hard day. I don’t really cry when he leaves any more but as I held him, I couldn’t help it. He truly has been my rock this summer. He took the brunt of caring for Cassie when I just couldn’t face the day-to-day care. He helped me make the decision to put her to sleep when the time was right. He helped me ease the children’s grief, and he eased mine. He put up with me when the mystery pain caused me to be so irritable. He helped distract the children when I needed rest. He went with me to all my appointments and we are now so close to an answer (Oct. 6th I should have test results back confirming what the rheumatoidologist suspects). I guess I felt a little fear of doing things without him again.

And the house without him or Cassie is just so quiet. I guess he felt the same way on the days I substituted. Even sitting here in my office, I miss him sitting at his desk just 10 feet away. I miss Cassie both out in the family room or even here on the floor beside me where she lay for most of the summer, too tired and too ill to make the trip out of the room too often.  For such a quiet dog, she made a lot of noise.

But other than that day that DH left I seem to be okay. I guess because I am taking control of the stress in my life–I’ve turned down sub jobs, I say “No”, and I don’t see my E.o.t.T. as torture but as a reward and something I want to do for me. As I said, with a possible diagnosis (and treatment) I am so hopeful that this mystery illness will be illuminated and I can start to feel better all the time (and get off these temporary steroids). I am keeping a regular scrapbooking schedule and my customers are getting excited again too. And I’m taking it one day at a time, one project at a time. Yes, I’ve failed my One Month again but when I can tackle something like the pantry in the morning before I go to training and two other small projects later in the day, I feel like I’ve accomplished something.

I really have some interesting topics to post on… pineapples, Frankensteins, reading selections and setting limits on my children, cupcakes and gratitude, etc. And of course I’d like to do a Mama Kat’s post this week.

My One Month Goal for October will be to sign up for the online writing fiction course that I promised myself I would start. It starts on October 30th. I won’t wimp out–I can do this. I have to do this.

In all of this I can see God’s hand. The timing of everything so that I have not had to face so much alone is truly His timing. He has blessed me so much with DH. These extra two weeks were a surprise to me but it gave me time to get that much stronger, to be on my two feet. Again, God’s blessing. The time will fly and DH will be home before I know it. God is good.

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One comment

  1. OH DO THE COURSE!!! I did it when The Ex and I split … at UVA and it was awesome. I wrote a short story! WOW … I never did redo it after all the advise from the class. I should but I haven’t picked it up again. It was just wonderful to do for ME!!! You’ve been through a lot this summer and you should do something for YOU!



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