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Personal: I Survived

June 22, 2011

I looked back at my post on March 27, It’s Going to be Rough, and I’m relieved at how much things have changed. Are they 100% better or perfect? No, but then life rarely is. (And if you have those kinds of stats, I don’t want to know who you are. It could be dangerous to your health.)

I guess the biggest change is my perspective on things. Life went on. It had to go on and I wasn’t existing day-to-day just waiting for DH to get home, or to get over the latest cold, or waiting for Spring to get here.

DH is now home. One thing I’m trying to maintain with this blog is to keep it from being a personal vent/rant zone about our dirty laundry. Yes, I have discussed lessons learned along the way but saying or posting something that hasn’t resolved just yet is only going to hurt in ways I couldn’t begin to imagine. That being said, I just want to say even how I am seeing and dealing with normal marriage hiccoughs right now is vastly different from a few months ago.

My dust allergy combined with a killer sinus headache sidelined me in bed for the better part of two days (note to self: wear a mask the next time to touch things that haven’t been dusted in 8 years!) but instead of wallowing in that cocoon like I would have a few months ago, I felt bad to be missing out on family interaction and actually popped a few more ibuprofen and joined the family and the greyhound on a walk through our neighborhood to the local Gander Mountain store–they let us bring Cassie in! I took a long nap later but it felt good to be with DH and the children.

I have several training related injuries right now–the soft tissue bruise in my left foot and the holy cow I think I broke my hip elliptical trainer injury (yes, the alternative to not running is killing my hip now) but unlike the anxiety-ridden stress-induced panic attacks and breathing problems (all from inflamed chest wall muscles and strains from bench pressing) I am working through and being positive. And being a little more motivated to stick to the Torturer’s diet so that if I don’t lose any weight I won’t at least gain. Or stop gaining as I did put on a few pounds. And I’m looking at a Rita’s cup right now… 🙂

Eliminating mood-altering OTCs such as Zyrtec and sleep aids has been a tremendous improvement. Being more proactive with PMS instead of reactive is helping too.

I survived a trip with the scouts out of the state and even let the other leader take the lead because she had the GPS. Did I enjoy letting go of that kind of control–NO! But I did not have a total melt down, though I will admit I needed a bit more recovery time. On the other hand, that more fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants leader was very appreciative that I took care of the other details including making sure we had boxed lunches ordered. We make a good team and on a personal level it was very good for me.

Spring and all the busy activities helped like I thought it would. Summer busyness is in full swing but I’m glad the school year has come to an end and scouts is over for the most part. I managed to get the children to their activities and see as many games of each child as possible, even if it meant driving for two hours and 50+ miles. And I stood up for my soccer player without becoming “that parent.” That experience is helping me get back to not second-guessing myself so much (don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll still call you just to double-check–you know who you are!).

I have also found two beneficial reasons for what I’ve gone through, one long-term and one that I hope will be a guide for me as my children enter their preteen and middle school years. I can see that I can make this positive and useful–it is my choice.

It is not perfect but it is closer to normal. I’ll take it because perfect would be boring. And our life is supposed to be anything but boring.

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