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Selling Insults?

June 6, 2011

I control the money. I write the checks and I pay the bills. DH will quip that he cannot divorce me because he has no idea who we owe money to. This takes an amazing amount of trust on his part. He knows guys with ex-spouses that have taken them to the cleaners when they were out at sea.

I have only once made a major purchase without getting any input from him (this is actually a very funny story and I will blog on it later). I do everything I can to get in touch with him when it is an emergency but otherwise I have his complete trust to make a financial decision on my own. I confer with him out of respect, not for his approval and not for his permission. He respects me and trusts me. This is all part of what I believe submission is all about (again, for another post).

I had a sales person come to my door today. I always politely listen. When DH is not home I make it clear that I do not make these decisions without him and could I please have more information to pass on to him. This sales person went beyond the beyond today.

“Does he trust you to make a decision?”

“This is a really great deal and it will cost you nothing–how could he not approve that?”

“This is for the benefit of your young family–won’t he see the value in that?”

“You can’t delay–this special is today only. I specifically selected you and I’m only offering this to a handful of your neighbors.”

“Is there any way we can call him and I can tell him all this important information?’

At this point it took everything in my body not say sarcastically, “Uh, sure, I’ll just call him up at sea so you can tell him all this wonderful information because we have to make a decision right now.”

No, we are not active duty military but he did not know that. What part of “deployed” did he not understand? Usually if I say “at sea” everyone automatically asks, “Navy” so I just say either deployed or tour. I was insulted for me and these wives. It takes an amount of trust to go through these separations and it takes an amount of mutual respect to make these marriages work.

But I am also insulted that my belief I should confer with my spouse, deployed or not, was not respected. If DH was sitting in an office I don’t necessarily think I would call him up to say, “Hey, this sales person has a deal we just have to consider right now.” If it were something we had discussed, like camp for the girls and a deadline was looming I would either make the decision or try to contact him–he’s fine as long as I made a good faith effort.

I guess you can tell I am by all means not a feminist … but let me tell you I revel in all the womanly power I hold. (One day maybe I’ll post my college paper on why it was the men in Age of Innocence and The Awakening, and one other book I can’t remember, who were oppressed and not the women who were able to glory in their roles and stations and live rather contentedly. And the main character of The Awakening, well, she was oppressed but only by herself and not externals, even those of society at the time.) I would not want the burdens and responsibilities DH shoulders. He does it without complaint and regret. And I am forever grateful to him and for him.

So don’t ever come to my door and insult the trust and respect DH and I have for each other. Don’t come to my door and think I’m some oppressed housewife who needs to be encouraged to think for myself. I listened to you politely. You owe me the same in kind and should not be beyond rude to me.

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