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Personal: Fruits of the Spirit 3

April 2, 2011

My thoughts here are for my edification. I have definite opinions that are, for lack of better terms, of a conservative bent and will most likely offend on some level readers of this blog. My intent is not to offend. Nor is it to open up to debate my personal beliefs. If my beliefs cannot be respected, please  do not continue reading this post and come back on another day.

The Fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever.        Isaiah 32:17

It’s been a while but I have posted a few things that I have categorized under Faith. My I Know for Sure list helped to focus and center on the positive things I know come from God, and to even see some of the negative in a better light.

On this Saturday morning before I head out to the cold soccer field, I don’t feel peace let alone righteousness. I don’t feel quietness or confidence.

Ultimately I know it is Jesus that stands up for me and that is all that matters. But on this earth when others do not stand up for you–even if they tell you that you are in the right–hurts and leaves scars.

In my case I know I am not 100% guilt free in the situation. Even if I say “there is no way anyone could have known my true thoughts/intentions because I only expressed them to Ms. X,” in this day and age you never know what kind of electronic trail you may have left.

In my case I was left wondering if there wasn’t a grain of truth in the accusations against my character. Have I done or said anything (other than the false accusations) to make another person believe such falsehoods or serious character flaws?

And in the back of your mind you have to wonder about the person who didn’t stand up for you. I often come to two conclusions: either I’m not worth standing up for because there is some truth about those character flaws or I’m just not loved enough by that person. Ouch.

I’ve said I hold myself to high standards. I want to be righteous (because I know I’m not always right). The definition of righteous can mean “justifiable” and the definition of justified is “having a good or legitimate reason; declared or made righteous in the sight of God.” (New Oxford American Dictionary) The only thing I should, therefore, concern myself is that I have been justified by Christ’s sacrifice. I can’t earn it or purchase it and it is only God’s opinion that should ever matter.

I can see where that peace, quietness, and confidence should come from–God is the source. God gives us these things as fruits when we are obedient to Him and seek justification.

“… rising He justified, freely forever” (One Day! original; Glorious Day, 2010)

Jesus stood up for me.

It is in this justified state, though, that I am concerned I am not living up to something I cannot possible earn or repay. It does matter to me if someone finds fault with my character or action. I want to be able to correct it and make amends.

And I believe this is why the peace, quietness, and confidence is currently eluding me. In this particular case there will be no resolution, no chance to confront, correct or make amends. Doubt will always linger. The not knowing will give rise to even more insecurity. I just wanted someone to stand up for me, here and now, to my accuser.

I know God is already at work helping me to come to terms and accepting what will never be and I know He is quietly telling me His peace will be enough. In time, I will know that peace.

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