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Half a Bah Humbug

December 10, 2010

I’ve got to admit, I’m not in a very Christmasy mood. I think it actually started because my girlfriends and I could not go to Black Friday Shopping together–money concerns, a death-watch, and the lack of a babysitter. I’m not the only one either. Each one of us has found ourselves in a funk, not quite in the mood and drastically behind.

Then I got blindsided by a stunning blow that I am still in shock over and still trying to wrap my head around. That will have to be a topic for another post, should it pass my self-imposed censor. Needless to say not having DH here to help has left me drained. I have hesitated to even share the details with him because of the strain he is under. But bless him, he so patiently listened to my tears when I’m sure he did not have the time and was exhausted himself.

In years past when DH is at sea for Christmas I usually take the children on a trip to help pass the time of the school break so putting up a tree is not a priority. We are not going on a trip this year to save money for a big family trip in the summer. As a result, I asked my children which tree they wanted to put up: the big pre-lit one or the smaller snowman themed one. Which one did they pick? The big one of course.

I had let the Hubbies for Hire (H4H), otherwise known as the husbands of my dear friends who step in and help when DH is gone, know that I would need help getting the tree out of the attic. In fact, one such H4H had put it up there for me and thus began a long string of tasteless jokes about the new meaning of “putting away the decorations”. It was now December 3rd and I had to get the tree up. I got all the other decorations out the day before and was dismayed that the advent tree hadn’t been put up before the 1st so we were already behind in our countdown.

I’m proud to say T1, T2, and I got the tree and the boxes of ornaments out of the attic all by ourselves! I forgot how heavy a pre-lit tree is! But we did it. And by December 5th anything not unboxed and put out or on the tree went back up into the attic.

Even with the pretty lights and the satisfaction of getting the job done I still do not have much Christmas spirit. My fun Christmas cards have all arrived and my annual letter is written but I’m not in a hurry to get them out. I’m listening to music on the computer, radio and in the car. Nope. I’m not a full bah humbug but close.

I was thinking a trip through the local light show that benefits a cancer foundation would be good for me but T1 and T2 are both telling me nope, they want to stay home. Keep in mind, my children both “know.” They’ve been watching a few holiday specials and T2 is reading a “biography” of Santa. I wonder, however, how much my mood is rubbing off on them. One of my favorite parts of the holiday season is the bright lights. I even feel like all the headlights and tail lights are a reflection of the Christmas splendor when driving at night. But we didn’t go to either community parades and now they do not want to go see the lights.

So many of the traditions I had as a child were so predictable and so routine that they were always an expected joy. DH’s military family had traditions (I was convinced by my MIL that their tradition was ‘no traditions’ until I had a child and suddenly there were traditions I had to mix with my own) but they weren’t as predictable or had as much ceremony. For example, the stockings are hung as part of the decorations while in my family it was a big Christmas Eve ceremony to hang them.

What are T1 and T2 taking from this? Have I done them a disservice by running away when DH is not home? Will that be the tradition they remember? Is that also why I’m in a mood? Afterall, my girlfriends and I have been going Black Friday shopping for a few years together–we were all looking forward to it. I’ve even said, in the future even if we can’t go all out for the shopping part of it, we have to at least get together for breakfast so we are out with all the crazies and absorbing some of the chaotic energy. Maybe I’ve been missing the traditions. I know I’m missing DH and I know I’m still going through the motions of the afore-mentioned blow. It’s December 10th and only a handful of cards that didn’t get pictures have been sent and I’m nowhere near finished shopping. And I’m just wishing Christmas would get here and be done with.

Maybe I should force T1 and T2 to go with me to see the lights to get us all in the mood. I know we’d go if DH was here.

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