BIG D

little d

David Donald Doo

dreamed a dozen doughnuts

and a duck-dog, too!

(Dr. Seuss’ ABC)

I have no idea what Heddie was doing or why that stuffed ducked ended up where it did! Copyright, SnipeWife

I do also have to say, our adoption group slapped our hands because Crook and Heddie have been photographed “naked” (without tag collars) on more than one occasion. Don’t worry, tag collars have been successfully employed.

I think one of things I was supposed to learn from the psoriatic arthritis as well as the panic attacks, etc., was to slow down. Tell people No. Prioritize.

While I was in the midst of it all I did tell people No. And then some–my filter was totally off. (See both Why Is It? and Why Is It Part 2.) I took care of me and mine and kept my obligations to a minimum.

There was a time when I could be guilted into thinking “If I don’t do it, no one will.” That’s bunk. Someone will. Nature abhors a vacuum. But sometimes, yes, for a time no one steps up until the right person comes along. And in the grand scheme of things, often these things that “have to get done” are trivial.

But now I’m feeling better. I’m watching my short temper and not being snarky. This is a busy time for scouts and we have much to get done. We have roughly 25 scouts in three levels, with 8 leaders plus two floaters, one of whom is our service unit director (SUD). She has a ton on her plate and I do not want to see any more piled on her. I think it is mutual but at the same time she also knows if SnipeWife doesn’t do it, no one will step up.

I certainly do not think I am the only one who can lead and do these things and organize them (although I do often think I can do them better!) but I think the other 7 leaders think I am the only one who can do these things and lead. Or they think SnipeWife will do it, why should we extend ourselves?

We had a long day yesterday with Thinking Day in the morning and what is called Cookie Jam in the evening. A very long day. In the morning, each level took care of their own projects and their own girls. But in the evening by default I was in charge. Keep in mind I never actually said I would be. At one point I do remember being told by the SUD “Someone has to be because it can’t be me.” (She was working the event in an official capacity.)

Six of the 8 leaders were present. And I just let the 5 leaders get by. I should have just handed the official bag over and said, “Take a head count, sign in, keep track of them, sign them out. Not too hard. See you later–I’m going home to spend some quality time with my husband who has selflessly taken care of me for the past seven months with little reward.”

If this was the lesson I was supposed to be learning, I failed miserably. Just because I’m feeling better does not mean I need to get back into old habits; habits that took their toll on my physically and emotionally. I may be Wonder Woman but I am Wonder Woman of my own domain, not of anyone else’s!

I felt so bad for DH. What a lousy way to spend our last day/night. I should have put him first–the girls were taken care of. I guess he couldn’t sleep so he got up well before the alarm and I guess figured rather than toss and turn he should get up and get going. I could not go back to sleep. I sobbed in his arms–I usually am very careful to make decisions I can live with and try to have very little regrets over my actions but I really regret this choice.

Keep in mind, I am very moody and hormonal. Saturday had been my first prednisone free day. Grant it, I was on a very low dose but seven months of steroids or NSAIDs starts to add up, no matter how low the dose. And it was apparently making PMS a bit worse.

I can’t always set aside my obligations–for example, this summer before I knew DH’s schedule I volunteered to teach at summer camp again. But I will plan accordingly and make sure I have quality time with him before he ships out again. I should have, however, set this obligation aside and others could have and should have done the job for me.

I’m not going to let this backslide continue–my health and my family are too important to me.

I won’t feel better until I can put my arms around him again and tell him how much I appreciate all he has done for me. Don’t worry, I will do my best not to let it eat at me either. DH understood my choice and holds nothing against me–but I still feel guilty. It is in my genes.

Feb. 12 The church sign still hasn’t changed so on Wednesday night I went into the auditorium after classes and took a few pictures. I got some great ones of the mural in the baptistery but I’ll save those for later. This is the communion table.

In Remembrance of Me, copyright SnipeWife

Feb. 13 Crook and Heddie were sleeping Ying & Yang style and I took plenty of pictures of that but I loved how Crook’s legs were posed. I had no idea she could write Celtic runes! This is the shape of the Rune of Joy. Guess this means she is happy and knows how much joy she has brought us? (Thanks Brian Froud and Ari Berk, The Runes of Elfland)

Crook writes in Celtic runes! Copyright SnipeWife

Feb. 14-17 As usual, I took no pictures on Valentine’s. It was an unusual day… we were getting ready to have a house full of scouts so DH and I met at an Indian restaurant for a quiet lunch. I didn’t take any more pictures until later in the week on Friday when DH and I took one last walk together with the pups.

May the Lord Watch, Copyright SnipeWife

This first picture is of the back of a headstone on the battlefield cemetery we live next to… in fact our backyard was a battlefield and encampment for union troops. (Oops, another big hint on where we might live!) DH has left so I thought the Mizpah sentiment was appropriate.

North, South, East, West damage from all sides, Copyright SnipeWife

I’m not really sure how old this structure is but it survived the Civil War. DH was noticing that the building had markers for cannon and gunfire damage on all sides but the battle was fought in an East-West direction. Guess he felt there were an awful lot of poorly aimed North-South fire as well.

Composition experiment, Copyright SnipeWife

Just experimenting with composition with this shot. The sign with the historic building in the background, round and straight.

Union monument and guest, Copyright SnipeWife

This is a rather tall monument erected to the union soldiers. It overlooks a major road in our area. The little black bird on top was overlooking it all. I can digital zoom on my little PowerShotbut you lose quality. Again, makes me want to have a little better camera, but I really don’t need one.

Crook & Heddie as Cerberus, Copyright SnipeWife

Tired of getting great hind shots of Crook and Heddie or of them comatose on their beds, I wanted to get some front shots. DH was in the background of many. I like this one and they could almost pass for Cerberus but they are too sweet to be the guardians of Hades.

Feb. 18What a long day! In the middle I had to take DH to pick up his rental car. We passed this on our way in and DH said I had to stop and get a picture of it on our way home. I really wasn’t going to stop but DH pulled into the parking lot. I like it when he gets involved in my projects.

Rhinos on the Road, Copyright Snipewife

I had taken a funny picture of Heddie on DH’s camera that I wanted to include so I asked him to upload his camera before leaving. Unfortunately, I cannot find it on our shared network so I have to wait until I can talk to him to figure out where the picture is. Boo.

So the new Wednesday class is studying Radical: Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream by David Platt. We haven’t gotten to THE radical experiment part but we were challenged this week to be a Trader.

What is a Trader? While the idea comes from another source, the gist of it is this in relation to the lesson: trade the “me centered focus” for a “God centered focus.”

The challenge to the participants is this: find something, anything that you would normally do for yourself, and trade it for something that you normally wouldn’t do that puts God first.

One of things that came to mind right away for me was the Writing Workshop post I usually do on Thursday (Day 1 of the challenge). I write this blog for me first off, if anyone else reads it that is gravy. So with fond regard to Mama Kat, I’m a Trading in my post for one that I hope gives God the glory and touches the heart of anyone who might stumble upon it.

In our ladies class, which I have only just started going back to (a struggle I’ve had to overcome), we are studying Keeping Your Balanceby Nancy Eichman. (Are you noticing a theme in our Bible studies lately?) One of the first points of the study is that unless we try to live a life like Jesus, balance will elude us.

Why Jesus? Why a life like Jesus’?

Image via Wikipedia

I’ve often said I want T1 and T2 to go on mission trips when older. I want to go with them. I want them to experience first hand how blessed they are and how God can work wonders. I know many young adult Christians get involved in mission work when attending Christian colleges but 1., I would like to go as well, and 2., our children may not necessarily go to a Christian college. Neither DH nor I went to one.

(Note: T1 has already had the experience with our Teens of delivering donated goods and Christmas gifts to a residential school and orphanage in a more rural and economically challenged part of our state.)

I’m really not sure when I first heard about Mercy Ships. I knew about the U.S. Navy’s Comfort and Mercy but I did not know about this civilian program. I’ve asked DH to look into it and tell me more about the program. I thought it would be an amazing way to serve God and others as an entire family. In addition to the important lessons of serving others, we would be so blessed by the experience.

gCaptain writes:

Imagine a ship that sails into the poorest nations on earth to deliver world-class health care. Now imagine that the health care is absolutely free. This may seem impossible, but this is precisely what the international non-profit, Mercy Ships, does.

Since 1978, Mercy Ships has used hospital ships to deliver state-of-the-art medical care to developing countries. To date, Mercy Ships has performed services valued at more than $1 billion, impacting about 2.35 million people.

It is definitely something we’d need to pray about. DH’s professional license would be on the line. As someone accustomed to the lifestyle we lead this is a scary proposition. It is funny that gCaptain has published a great article about the Mercy Ship Program at this time. We have been studying Francis Chan’s Crazy Love and have moved on to Radical by David Platt, and DH is making me take the No Debt No Sweat 13 week course by Steve Diggs.

I think there would be some of our fellow classmates who would look at us and ask: where is your faith placed? where is your crazy and radical love for God? would it not take an amazing leap of faith in a situation of uncertainty to totally rely on God and let Him lead you?

I pointed out to DH maybe it is something we do as a family close to the end (or right after company retirement). T1 and T2 would be early college age. Maybe we do something totally unorganized and visit our missionary friends and say “just put us to work” for a month.

The possibilities are endless because God is limitless.

I guess the first step would be to pray and God will do the rest.